It was really scary.
I didn’t quite understand how scary a “worse” car accident could be until I was in one myself. I’ve been rear ended before, I’ve done some damage to my car… but this time was quite different.
I was hit by someone travelling at least 100km an hour as I was attempting a left turn. Luckily I was hit at the rear end of my car as opposed to the middle. They labelled my car as a write-off on the scene and I had a hard time finding grounding through my panic and crying. The impact I felt in my car has repeated in my mind many times. Turning left now, I feel myself get a little nervous. It was scary. It was shattering! And it definitely left me feeling unbalanced.
But I had two guardian angels with me! Two men named Greg and Doug, old and blue eyed watched the incident occur. They were there, parked and ready to help before I had even gotten out of my car. In fact, they helped me out of my car. They held my hands as I shook and helped me breathe, they sat with me as I called my parents, they even conducted traffic to prevent another collision. They made sure that I was safe and okay.
When my mother came to the scene, she immediately began to tell me that everything is okay. That the car is just a car and that she was glad I was safe. She understood my anxiety and panic because she herself has experienced a car accident. She comforted me as I was being hard on myself. She comforted me as I cried.
That night, I laid in bed for a while. An old friend of mine called with her sympathies and understanding and I listened to music. I began to feel much more at peace. Sore and head achy, but comfortable in my blankets.
Later, my boyfriend came over with some of my favourite things, ready to be the supportive, loving teammate that he is to me. That day with just a few words and such ease, he helped me catch my breath and find perspective. He held me, listened to me, laughed with me and ate with me. As I was replaying what happened in my mind over and over before bed, he was there holding me and it made me feel so incredibly safe.
The next morning I woke up and felt incredibly sore. I looked in the mirror and my eyes were so puffy, as if I hadn’t gotten any sleep at all. I cried when I’d think about what happened. But I took a long shower, had breakfast with not only my boyfriend but his niece, and was offered comforting and love from family members. I received it gratefully, happy to be in such a warm environment.
I felt better, but still a bit uneasy. Daniel and I were on our way to a yoga studio. He was about to teach a yoga class for the first time- super proud of him, by the way, and I was ready to lay in the hot room in savasana for an hour to calm down the muscles in my back. What happened though was different. I went into the room and I found my way into my body and into my practice- a place I so deeply love to be. I did the entire practice, taking the rests when I needed to, but feeling strong because I knew that that was what I was choosing. I was focused and breathing.
I finished the class and I felt grounded. I felt like myself again. I felt focused and ready in my real-time life and not just on the mat. More moments of gratitude.
Life continued, and I’ve continuously just been feeling better, stronger and happier. I wanted to share why I think I feel better. I wanted to share what I’ve done or felt or thought that has helped me through this.
Gratitude. It is such a simple word but it is one of the most powerful words I can think of and that’s why I use it so often. I am BLESSED. In every way! I am blessed that I came out of that car accident walking, that I did not need to be taken to a hospital. I am grateful that I had guardian angels there to help me, friends to call me and lend me a shoulder, a partner who I love dearly who has supported me through this like no one else. I have parents who are thankful I am okay and who are doing everything they can to help me through this situation emotionally, physically and financially… I have food that I have eaten that has comforted me, a whole lot of tea that I have drank, hot showers and baths that have made my back feel more relaxed, yoga teachers that have guided me through empowering and confidence boosting asana practices and breathing. I have a breath that reminds me how beautiful it is to be alive, I have clothing that makes me feel good on a body that is healthy and happy. I am driving a rental car that is adorable and perfectly suited to me. I have dreams and visions of my future that I am excited for, and here to experience. There is so much! I could keep writing this list for pages and pages.
The reason this gratitude is so important in these times is because it allows us to find the silver linings through all of it. It allows us to find something that we can hold onto. A faith, a light, a love. Whatever it is, there will always be something that you can find solace in.
All of these tough things that happen in our lives, they are not setbacks. I can thank my perspective and mindset for how I’ve recovered from this because of that. I know there is an important lesson in all of them and that is always what I intend, or try my best, to acknowledge. Why? The universe presents us with these challenging situations not to push us down, but to allow us to teach ourselves how to stand up. These lessons will keep coming our way until we have learned them. That is why so often we have the same patterns of situations coming up. The same uncomfortable relationship situation happening every time you have a new partner, or the same scary car situation with tickets and accidents that keeps coming. It may not have anything to do with the actual situation, and a whole lot more to do with your mindset and perspective. So start paying some real attention to it. Standing back up again after? It’s hella empowering.
If I take the time to learn this lesson wholly and fully, this won’t happen again. So next time I am in my car, I won’t rush from point A to point B. I won’t be anticipating what time I get home to move on to the next thing, because I’ll be enjoying the drive and focused on the drive. And this extends to my everyday life routine as well. AKA, seeing where it is hidden in my mindset or perspective. When I am showering, eating, getting dressed, saying goodbye, saying hello, preparing food, doing work, doing a yoga pose, breathing, doing meditation… etc, I will not rush through it. I have the tendency to want to rush. I, Emily Marques, have the tendency to be impatient. I am ready and now willing to put the work in to learn true patience. I will value each moment with the respect that it deserves.
Another thing I will take from this is that life sometimes simply comes down to confidence of self and self love. I love myself and I will now CHOOSE to be confident in what I say and do, and in how I feel. I will CHOOSE to learn these lessons with grace. I will choose my words carefully and lovingly, and I will do everything I can to tell myself each and every single day how incredible, powerful, confident and beautiful I really am, so that I am incredibly ready to take on these lessons and challenges presented to me each day. When we experience something so earth-shattering, it is easy to fall into the habit of negative self-talk or negative life-talk in general. When we doubt ourselves, the things we are doing or where we are in life… we really need to re-evaluate how we speak to ourselves through our mind’s eye when nobody is with us. Better yet, we need to observe how we’re speaking to ourselves when we are with others. The power of choice comes down to whether or not you want to learn the lessons. Whether or not you want to take a step back and take some responsibility for how you feel. I totally understand why that’s intimidating. Taking responsibility for how we feel puts our feelings on the spot light and makes us really see what we’re doing that makes us feel that way. It seems easier to put blame on other things… The challenges in our life, our family members, our friends… But all of these things have nothing to do with it. The crazy challenges?! They will ALWAYS be there! They will always be present. We will always have moments of fear and moments of hardship. It is not about the universe not presenting them anymore. It is not about being perfect so that these things do not happen. It is about how you react to them. It is about what you do and what you say in the face of these demons. Be honest and real with yourself, it’ll only help heal.
So yeah… All in all, I’m happier than ever. I am excited to continue on the path that I am on. I am certain in my depths that this accident was a sign to me of my strength and growth. Why? Because of the way I’ve risen up from it. I’m stoked about life, it’s a pretty amazing thing. All of those scary things happened, but more beautiful things have come out of it. Closer love and more growth. All the things that I love.
I challenge you to rise up when you are faced with some darkness, some intensity or some sadness. I challenge you to stand up instead of keep yourself down. I challenge you to learn yourself as deeply as you can. Learn why you feel things, learn how to truly comfort yourself, learn how to truly love yourself. To learn is to feel these depths. To learn is to experience these discomforts.
And if you are dealing with anything that seems like a little too much, and don’t know how to just change your mindset or perspective- I totally get you. It takes time, a whole lot of tears, a whole lot of feeling like you’ve failed and a whole lot of work. But it also gives happiness, moments of joy, deep growth and attracting better and brighter things into your life. It is beautiful. Beautifully terrifying. Let us be excited about diving into this uncertainty. Let us be ready for change, shift, transformation, growth… Blossoming!
Be grateful. For your healthy body, reading this! For your computer. For your ability to get out of bed to make breakfast. For the hug you got at work yesterday. For the smile someone gave you on the bus. For the trees you saw on your walk. Be grateful for the life you have in every moment and be grateful for the lessons, constantly shifting your world and mind each day.
(if you’d like a friend, a meditation session or a yoga class let me know.)
Thank you all for reading. Namaste Friends, happy experiencing.